Do You Want To Be Taller? By Linda Wairegi

To be a basket-baller, you probably need to be a certain height so that it can be a fair fight. I feel that height must be a requirement.


Can you imagine being 6ft 4in? Though riding a matatu can’t be easy because you have to contort themselves because you need extra leg room. Finding clothes is hard. Finding the perfect fit is tricky. The sleeves and the pants might be too short alternatively the waist might be over-sized or too small.


Whenever a lady is asked to describe her ideal man, it’s usually “tall, dark and handsome”.  It is superficial but let’s not forget how men describe their ideal woman with phrases like “A lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets”.


I always wondered do tall men wish that ladies would stop chasing them fervently especially the caramel complexioned ones, so that they can catch a break? Plus, all the sly questions about their actual height? Wink. Wink. Do they actually fit in their bed or do their feet dangle off the edge? What about when we ask them questions like ‘What’s the weather like up there?’


On the other hand, maybe they love the fact that they used to look over their peers’ heads during assembly. The naughty ones probably looked down girls’ blouses. Perhaps, the ladies used to gaze at them as if they were demigods and surrounded them like their minions. Parents would ask them to sit down so that they could talk them without having to bend to their heads.


They had a natural advantage in sports. Have you ever tried wrestling a basketball from a tall person? Or beating them in a race? It isn’t easy.


So on a height spectrum, some men are tall and skinny like Wiz Khalifa, others are tall and muscular like Chris Hemsworth (Thor), whilst others are simply chubby and round.


It sounds like an analogy from Goldilocks and The Three Bears. One bed was too hard, another one was too soft and the other one was just right.  Ladies tend to want someone tall and slender or extremely muscular, so that you feel safe and cuddly when he hugs you.


A tall girl can sometimes be awkward. Boys are tempted to tease her because she’s taller than them. She shies away from high heels because she feels conscious that she might scare the boys away. One day, she won’t care about what other people think and she’ll decide to splurge on heels and rock them.


Being taller means that you naturally take longer strides so you need to be wary if your towering friend tells you that it takes 10 minutes to get from point A to point B. It probably won’t. You are better off using Google Maps to get the exact distance so that you can estimate for yourself.


One thought on “Do You Want To Be Taller? By Linda Wairegi

  1. Ever being watchful of couples? Most pair up within their own height range- short partners are 6 inches apart, fairly tall couples are 6 inches apart. Tall ones are the oddballs. Tall women date men who are approximately the same size, 0 to 4 inches taller; extremely tall women go for men 0 to 2 inches taller. Tall men are like kids in a candy stand at the supermarket, dating whomever they want.

    Being a fairly short/tall dude, not dwarfy, I don’t like tall people myself. They use you as an arm rest when watching a group movie and can dip their fingers into the popcorn pack way across the sofa to the fourth guy. Generally, they are just vertically fat. I hate their walking around with near total impunity, being given every advantage along the way (by girls) while I have to struggle to be noticed. Then they enjoy all the boob hugs (ouch). Though I swear I’d have a funnier life with boob hugs. By the way a very tall friend likes his height because it makes him treat ladies like children. Lift them up and throw them in the air; or make them sit on his shoulders at the live shows. See now? Now I know one would think that his height happens to threaten my seemingly rather fragile sense of masculinity. Not really. Are very tall women intimidating to fairly heightened men? Yes! For the same reason. Ego. So do men like looking down on women (okay, women’s chest raisins)? Yes. That’s why they can’t stand tall ladies. Very true.

    Either way, I’ve learnt it’s all about how one views themselves and Michael Bassey Johnson, that Nigerian author of the play ‘Scars of Beauty’ had something going like this => (might not be exactly as he wrote it) => Short men are happy, for they can pass easily through the door. Tall men are happy, for they can stand erect and pluck oranges with their hands. Again, short men are angry, for they cannot stand erect and pluck oranges with their hands. Again, tall men are angry, for they cannot pass easily through the door.

    So we all hate ourselves equally. That makes even. And, I don’t want to be taller.

    Lastly, is it just me, or do tall things/guys look so kooky, wobbly, tippy, unhinged and very unstable? Like they can fall any time as they have a very ‘far’ grip from the ground? Yet most don’t even know basket ball, because they would never admit it and finding another tall person to teach them would be such a tall order. 😀


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