Close That Door By Linda Wairegi

He uttered that it was simply over. You didn’t bother fighting him because you could feel it a mile away. Your heart already braced itself for impact. Telling you that he never really cared for you in the beginning. The signs were all around you. Perhaps your male friends didn’t want to pierce your bubble.

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“As long as you’re happy, that’s what matters. I don’t want to spoil it for you”, Alex, the gentle soul told you. 

“I think he’s a douche”, Jamie, the straight shooter breaks it to you because he never sugarcoats anything for you.

“I wish that he cared about you more” Sympathetic Simon breaks open a bottle of red wine for both of you.

Java doesn’t have a clear niche’. It’s a place that anyone can go because it doesn’t have a particular crowd.  The day is lukewarm day and airy. Two plates of steaming food appear in front of you. Out of nowhere, you hear

“I don’t want you to nag me anymore. About taking you out. I don’t want to know about your list,” he says with finality in his voice.

The words disappear quickly in your mind but they always remain in a hidden corner. Just beneath the surface like still waters. The waves ripple from time to time and that memory re-opens whenever you’re hurt and angry.

You made a list. Listing down all the things that you wanted to do together. Fun things. Crazy things. Places he promised to take you, whether, he meant it or not, at the time. Sweet things that you were meant to see, eat or do.

The break-up happened. It hurt you.

You didn’t fight him. No scene was caused because you didn’t trust yourself. Throbbing within you, you can feel a small fire taunting you to go all #Lemonade on him. Another part of you tells that it’s been dead and dragging on for a while. Ladies have intuition and they can see things a mile ahead. She’ll act surprised but at the back of her mind, she’ll have thought about it and imagined her life without you.

“I don’t want us to be like other exes,’ he tells you as the dust settles and you start piercing stuff together.

‘I miss you’ he breathes to you about a month later.

There’s no need for him to dangle the past in front of you whenever he needs a confidence boost.  Especially when he’s also sorting his feelings. He doesn’t know if he wants you back but has the audacity to ask you, if you miss him. Don’t get caught up in his indecisiveness.

You need to close that door because the longer you keep it open. The longer, you post-phone your own self-healing and self-care. There’s no other way. Imagine if he left you at the altar just because he wasn’t sure about your relationship.

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