Once in a while, a lady dates a man-child, who’s been pretending to be a man since he turned eighteen. From afar, he looks like he’s got it all together till you realise that Cupid was messing with your head. Here are a few things, that he might say to you
a) I just don’t believe in dates.
Translation: I’m just too hot to bother with silly little things like that. Girls have always wanted me so I’ve never needed to put work in. You can take me on a date if you want to.
b) I love you but I want to keep my options open.
Translation: I think you’re cute but naïve enough to stick around while I taste other flavours from around the world. After all, man cannot survive on bread alone.
c) My friends all do it too
Translation: I can’t take responsibility for my own actions so I blame others including my friends.
d) She says that we should…
Translation: He already hired a therapist before the nuptials and she’s psychoanalysing you. You are never quite sure about what she knows and whether you should pick a tip from The Bold And The Beautiful’s’ playbook “Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer.”
e) I broke up with you by accident
Translation: From time to time, my deceased ancestors enter my body from time to time because they’re angry. Hence, they do crazy things that I’m not always conscious about. Plus, I definitely don’t want you to replace me.
f) I like proving to people that I’m smart.
Translation: I’m always the smartest man in the room and everyone needs to know. I don’t see any reason to hide it.
g) Don’t you want to be a good girl? Give me your number.
Translation: I believe that girls should give me their number because their mums raised them to be nice, friendly and submissive.
h) I’ve known you for two years. It feels like we’re going nowhere.
Translation: I’ve been chasing you on and off. So you should know your place by now. I don’t have to ask you to go steady with me. It’s automatic. I’m the best that you’ll ever have.
i) I’m so glad that you’re not like other girls.
Translation: I’ve been chasing the same girls over and over again, always open to having fun but I should have a good girl waiting for me back home. One that I never have to keep an eye on.
j) She’s a w#@*#. She offered me sex and alcohol. I don’t like girls like that.
Translation: I used to be that guy back in the day. I loved throwing bashes and having crazy sex with girls. Now, I need a neat wife tucked away somewhere before I unleash myself again.
k) My biological clock is ticking. All my friends have babies.
Translation: I don’t want to be that forty-year-old man chasing his five-year-old son. I wish I could buy a baby. Who would look after it, though….
l) I can’t believe mum told you those things about me. I’ll make her sorry.
Translation: I don’t want my mum to scare this girl into seeing me as I am. Mum needs to know her place and so I can live my life.
m) I know you don’t like romantic stuff. That’s why I never take you anywhere. You’re not the girly type.
Translation: I’d rather spend my money buying strangers booze at the local pub instead of watching Bridget Jones’ Diary. Even if it’s only once a year. Dates for what? Visiting you should be more than enough.
n) I love her like a sister/best friend
Translation: I like you but I like her too. I’ll work on her from a distance and switch sides whenever it suits me. I can have my cake and eat it too.
o) I love you. I won’t date her if you ask me not you.
Translation: I have you wrapped around my little finger. I want you to fight for me because I’m Gods’ gift to women. A girl out there will always fight for me.
p) I care about you. It doesn’t have to be emotional
Translation: I’m not exactly sure about you so I’ll keep dangling a carrot in front of you. I don’t know when I’ll need a favour from you. It’s a small world.