‘I love my job.,’ Lisa says smiling and straightens her black skirt. She’s lying; You know the truth. You’re Lisa. Your face is hurting pretending to like it, with a glazed over expression and the question ‘What am I doing with my life?’
Counting the seconds. Fighting with your keyboard, watching cute puppy videos and tweeting away the time. All the Horrible Bosses that you’ve endured flash through your mind. Crazy. Egoistic. Scary. Confused. Vindictive.
‘I can fire anyone I don’t like,’ a carte blanche boss tells you cracking his black whip. In your mind, you visualise a complicated power grab and you in power. If you have zero chills, he’ll be asking you tea or coffee.
‘Can’t you use an intern for that?’ your reasoning capacity is always under the magnifying glass as your boss orders you around. In your heart, you’re sad about stringing him/her along but you’re just can’t do anything.
‘Bring back that Client. Or. Never. Come. Back,’ a big stapler flies across the room, roughly missing your head. Mr Shah starts breathing in and out. Huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf. You start re-evaluating how badly you need this job.
‘I pay you to stay on top.’ Your ears are dozing. Yes, you aren’t paid enough for this. You’re not getting a cent as an intern. She keeps circling around you, trying to chip away your confidence, till you decide to no longer give an eff.
‘Can I hire her to replace you?’. Elsewhere, a bright eyed and bushy eyed intern is beautifully threatened by a black witch. She wonders about saying yes. A crazy bit wonders about how much the next one will endure before leaving without a trace. Stealing awkward office supplies, here and there.
‘You and I aren’t on the same level,’ you can hear the tone in your head. The big fish has become public enemy number one. You’ll never take him seriously again. Then, you and your colleagues start mimicking penguins. Smile and wave.
‘Update me on everything that you do,’ micro-managers need to know every detail. A little bit of you is trying not to snap because her style technique will triple the workload. An inner voice says run and never look back.
‘Someone is always smarter than you and willing to accept a smaller salary.’ Expendable and replaceable. Your boss is extremely clear on how he views all his minions. A concise and brief pep talk.
‘I told you what to do. Should I talk to your boss? ‘Vibrating male entitlement, male pride and male ego. If he calls, then he expects you to come running. Silently, you want to give him exactly what he wants. You perfect a diabolical facial expression in the mirror.
‘Why can’t you do it? Why is it so hard?’ she’s just warming up and you know better than to interrupt her. You screwed up, pretty badly. Your boss is livid. You want to focus on solving the problem not dwelling on the past.
‘Don’t think that you know everything because you don’t,’ it’s said with a straight face and you’re trying to keep your response PG13. It feels like your boss catches glimpses of potential but the next minute, you’re put in your place.
You can suffer in silence and stay positive about the future. Alternatively, you can actively start looking for a new job before you have a public meltdown.