Being a Badass

Brian: Times are…

Brian is acting shifty even for him yet I’ve seen drooling over anything in a skirt. It doesn’t matter that he’s interviewed loads of people as an HR associate.

Even at my interview, I was told not to drink from any cup offered to me but with desperation, una wacha heshima yako kwa mlango.

I complimented his leather shoes, acted coy and smiled like a naive school girl.

Brian: It’s not easy running a business

That sentence dangles a little too long in the air. The silence is loud and not in a romantic way.

I’m trying to remove my head from the clouds. I’m a dreamer. I literally can’t help dreaming with my eyes closed but this looks serious. I need to pay attention.

Katie emerges from the room opposite of us. She looks like she bit into a raw onion. Our boss is trying to maintain a poker face as he walks behind her but you can tell that it wasn’t smooth sailing. Mumbling into the air, she reaches our shared workspace. I see her pack her bag, starts to leave with fire but she turns back secretly and pockets something in her handbag.

Will I take my firing lying down? Or will I fight it tooth and nail? Can I refuse to be fired?

Chasing the sun, my friends are reporting earlier and earlier, each day, I’m just too lazy to keep up with them. Bernice no longer dashes out of the office when it’s time to clock-out. She stays an extra 15 minutes.

I thought I was hallucinating the first time that I saw her. It was an apparition.

I refused to believe myself.

The joke is till funny in the office but I worry when the silver door closes and I’m all alone in the lift.

Common sense tells me that we can’t all be fired at the same time unless the big fish doesn’t give an eff. Wanting fresh minions that won’t rock the boat. People that aren’t hired to think, don’t ask questions beyond their pay grade and simply just do the necessary.

I can imagine wanting to do that.

A dictator in the making.

Me: Is something going to happen to my promotion??

I need to build slowly before I ask the real question on my mind.

Wait a minute, Mike and our boss are emerging out of the same room. Mike kicks a chair that’s carelessly lying in front of him and it starts swinging aimlessly.

We lock eyes.

If looks could kill, I’d be six feet… Why lie I’d still survive the storm?

HR: (evenly) Not exactly. (a little nervously) the company is making changes

My wallet cries like a newborn every time I reach into it to pay for my matatu ride.

You: (curiously) What does that exactly mean for me?

I’m stretching the moment and I’ve never seen Brian squirm so much in his seat. Is it slightly evil that I’m loving it?

I wonder if all HR people have the same mantra as they get ready in the morning. Keep it cordial as you release them. Be firm but friendly. I still wonder if ‘restructuring’ difficult people from the company is fun? Are their exes condemned to social Siberia?

You’ve been busting your ass off, kissing babies, buttering all slices of bread. Yet, nothing is happening.

Brian: We’re letting….

That sentence dangles in the air a little too long for me.

You: (smiling) I refused to be fired. (rising up) I was going to quit anyways.

Brian: (clearing his throat) We’re going to let you run things.

I sit back down and furiously backtrack because I have an expensive taste.

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