It’s playing tricks with me. Shadows dancing behind my eyes. I stopped sleeping through the night.
Wishing that it’d stop even before it begins. I can barely move? I can barely eat? Lying down hurts and standing up isn’t exactly an option.
I want more options but I can’t exactly run away from this. Always needing to face it, over and over again.
Thinking hurts a little too hard? I want things to slow down since it’s getting a little hazy and I can’t think straight.
It’s hot like a desert. With the loud sounds on the roof, I can tell that it’s raining cats and dogs threatening to uproot trees. Swirling harder than anything you can imagine. I’m still burning up eternally with no end in sight.
Chocolate tastes like dirt. Dirt tastes like chocolate.
I can’t trust my senses since they’re all playing up against each other.
I threw all my clean eating plans out of the window. I fantasise about a dark chocolate cake with mint frosting in the night. Devouring it in and letting that awake fresh mint hit my taste buds. Cool down my senses. Smother the fire. Whisper into my spirit that loving it could never the wrong thing.
Till it starts craving salted avocado that glides over the scorching tongue. Shaped like the carrier of the future, radiating with strong fragility. I almost speculate whether my body is trying to tell me something. Is it asking me to create something out of nothing??
It also desires dark chocolate with no sugar to soothe it down. So bitter yet so sweet. It’s turning itself inside out till it’s no longer out of shape.
I’m basking in the sun, freezing and all alone. A walking contradiction.
I feel a cold breeze on my legs but the rest of my body is hotter than the sun. I’ll start melting like an ice-cream sitting in the sun if it gets any hotter.
I was floating on butterflies yesterday but know I’m struggling to put a lid on my feelings. Grabbing all my filters threatening to float away with the waves in the distance. I know that I’m just having a moment.
On a constant loop, I keep hearing him questioning my sanity
insanity since I was balancing on the edge. Emotions threatening to break out and flood the moment just because I remembered how Big Hero 6 touched something raw within.
It needs to stop because I’m slowly starting to loose my mind. Not in the sexy, passionate way but in that other way that people pity and never want to experience.
The heat is getting to me. Heat
I smile a little longer in the mirror, at myself or at people I don’t know. I want to stop myself but I can’t necessarily do it.
Slowly toying with my mind since it feels like a part of me is dying. Yet another part of is thirsting. I’m lost before I know it. I’ve locked eyes with him and I’m struggling to remember his flaws.
Slowly forgetting that I’d already crossed paths with him, tried clawing his eye’s out and labelled him the unmentionable. Failing to understand that I drew blood last time I fought with him and it’s ironic that I’d be going crazy because of him.
Tossing and turning because he’s haunting me & I’m not sure that I want him to stop.
I love being haunted and getting carried away with all the madness.
I swore to myself to never slow down on the good fight.
I hate hormones because they cloud up your clarity and it’s easy to forget little things.
The heat hits you and you’re done for.