I Love Her But… Part 5

‘Nancy, I need to say something,’ I say slowly staring intensely into her eyes.

Things start winding down as people slowly leave the restaurant like leaves blowing in the wind. It’s calm and quiet. My mind is loud yet it’s looking for words.

Ciiku's graduation-9

‘I’ve been holding back something that-,’ I’m trying to find the right words.

‘What is it?’, she says evenly with a tight face.

‘I care about you like no…’, I say looking for other words.

I catch Stacy at the corner of my eye, staring and wondering whether to come over. If looks could kill, she’d wither because I need to do this my way.

I’m not that type of guy.

I feel her step deeper into the shadows & loosen up her insecurity. It’s never easy balancing on a tightrope.

‘Are you married?’ She asks directly.

‘I’m open-minded,’ I tell her firmly.

‘I kinda knew that…,’ she teases ‘it would be weird if I didn’t,’ she finishes off.

I realize that her mouth is slightly ajar. She’s thinking about something. Her eyes are searching me even though she’s trying not to stare at me. Wondering if I’ll hurt her & how deep the bruises will be.

 

7 Months Ago

‘Hi,’ I tell Nancy as I sit down opposite her.

I’m 45 minutes late. Wearing black from head to toe. I’m dripping wet because kulikua jua ya mvua. I hate it when that happens to me.

‘Hi,’ she says carefully trying to match me. Without lifting her eyes from her smartphone. Scrolling with her fingers before finally lifting her eyes to take a peek at me.

‘How have you been?’ I ask earnestly running my hands through my short hair. Damn it. I forgot to comb it again.

She takes a sip of her cold strawberry lemonade drowning in ice cubes.

‘Good,’ said slowly ‘good,’ she says even slower.

Her hair is loose today & she’s wearing a blue dress.

The space is lighted evenly with comfy brown chairs all around. I can smell baked goodies. I feel like I’m in someone’s home which makes me feel worse for treating her shitty.

It feels like those awkward moments when you don’t know what to say.

‘I’ve been good too,’ I replied unconvincingly.

Have we already run out of the things to say?

‘That’s cool,’ Nancy says with a blank face, “I wasn’t sure you’d show up,’ she adds whilst sipping her drink slowly.

She rubs her nose lightly and raises her eyes to meet mine.

I went silent on her for two weeks the way guys do when something is too close. It’s a little scary and you still need space. Sometimes, it just another douche that just too full of himself. Trying to see if he can pull her puppet strings and move her the way he wants too.

‘No,’ I respond evenly & I’m trying to show her that her bluntness hasn’t thrown me off.

‘So, what’s on your mind,” she asks me lightly.

I’ve been around for a while so I can tell that she’s floating between apathy, intrigue & let’s see what this nigger wants from me.

Sometimes, a guy acts shady & becomes a rolling Stone even before anything remotely serious happens.  

Read through this story backwards … 😉

P.S. It’s been a while since I’ve published on this blog but I’ll definitely write more in the future

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