TINDER IN NAIROBI: A GUY’S EXPERIENCE

Victor is a cool guy & a good friend with a deep love for avocados. Today, he’s telling us about Tinder 😉 & you can find his stories here https://littlegreynotepad.com

Nurtured Knots-1

TINDER IN NAIROBI: A GUY’S EXPERIENCE

Being on the Tinder app is interesting for a guy. Most times you see pretty faces and you want to earn lots of money, because there’s no way they’ll take you based on personality alone. Other times you see funny bios and you almost break the super like button. Then sometimes you meet people that make you want to delete the app and set your phone on fire.

Tinder actually means dry, flammable material, such as wood or paper, used for lighting a fire. And there are a lot of fires being lit on the app, and it’s appropriate that the icon is an image of a flame, 😉 seeing as there is a lot of heat going down in the DMs.

Starting a conversation on Tinder needs a balance of humour, charm and a skill to know what will and won’t fly with different people. “Hey” doesn’t cut it, even when you add a million yyyys, unless you have a Range Rover on your picture, and in that case you don’t even need “hey”, they’ll put in all the effort.

So its work, to make sure the thread doesn’t look like an interview while ensuring she’s pulling her weight on the conversation. Work that is mostly thankless, considering how rare sarcasm speakers are in Nairobi. Explaining a joke sucks, but not more than having to apologize to someone who thought you were being rude. When all you were using was the sarcasm font.

Then there’s the ‘masseuses of Tinder’. Offering ‘massage’ at prices that are to be discussed if she likes the look of you. Cat fishing isn’t a crime yet, but it should be. Some of the profile pictures are so revealing, and so fine if I’m to be honest, that you know there’s a snowflakes chance in hell that’s her real picture. Bills have to be paid though, in this era of unemployment and rising inflation, so I would never knock anyone’s hustle.

The ‘here for a serious relationship’ battalion is over-represented on Tinder, with about three of five bios having the same copy. There is an influx of fuckbois in Nairobi and Tinder is another front for the romantics to fight for their love, after malls, church and flats have proven to be false starts. ‘Serious people only’ ‘Keep off if you’re looking for a one night stand’, there are caveats everywhere, that give you a sense of what exactly Nairobian young men are after. A good time, devoid of any expense or commitment.

There’s also a fairly strong congregation from the business community that are online to sell shower caps, land, multi-level marketing, chargers and phone screen protectors in bulk. They have little time to chit chat, and they are more interested in getting you to earn ‘4,000 shillings a day, from the comfort of your own home’, or a ‘screen protector so tough, your phone can survive a hammer’.

Maybe I’m selling the rough part of Tinder, seeing as I’m yet to find love on the site. But there have been a lot of cool people from there, and depending on how high or low your tolerance for BS is, you just might find what you’re looking for on the app that claims to have 20 BILLION matches since 2012.

 

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