Musings

Turning Point

By Linda Wairegi

The friend-zone, most people know about it either because they’ve experienced it, they dread it or they’ve done it on someone else. The friend-zone is when one person unsuccessfully attempts a romantic relationship that instead turns into a platonic friendship. It has a tendency of happening to men that have a failure to launch after spotting a potential mate. It’s a necessary evil.

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There’s this funny e-card about how good manners aren’t a sign of flirting. Well, they aren’t.

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It’s possible to be nice to someone that you aren’t romantically interested in any way. There are some people from both genders, who feel that you owe them a date because you’re pleasant and sweet. Dear you, don’t be fooled and feel free to say no to anyone that doesn’t flirt your boat or anyone reminds you about things that you’ve outgrown. After all, you’ve heard how men dissect ladies and take their pick.

There are moments in life that we have mis-communication that can’t be easily rectified. Boy meets girl. Girl notices boy. Boy befriends girl. Girl turns boy into her new best friend. Alternatively, it can also a lady perhaps a tomboy that is trying to remind her male best friend that she sees him as a potential boyfriend. It’s not the ending that you would have ordinarily expected. I keep hearing that if a guy doesn’t make his intentions clear in the beginning and how he’s interested in more that friendship, then, the girl will only take him at face value. The same way, that its’ easy for a tomboy lady to overlooked by her male friends.

I think that there’s a turning point before the looming friend-zone happened. I think that there are signs in the early friendship. In the beginning things are fine, the friendship is open to progress. Will we date eventually?  Will we stay friends? Period. There are moments that you’ve caught glimpses of your new friend and you’ve had somewhat romantic notions. You caught yourself comparing him to you other….

You played the ‘what if’ card in your mind…but you played it briefly. What if we tried hanging out without the rest of your friends? What if we made the transition from friends to lovers? You were still attached. You try never to entertain lecherous thoughts ever because you’re a good girl and you don’t want to disappoint.

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I think that the person that wanted to take the friendship to the next level needs to take subtle initiative. You need to show that person that they should start thinking about you in a different light. However, you need to do this slowly because you don’t want to scare you best friend and them having to make a difficult decision before they know what you have to offer. Also, time is off the essence. This would be more effective if it’s done while the friendship is still fresh, open to progress and not stable and frigid.

It needs to happen before your female best friend is asked by her other close female friends, if the two of you have ever thought of dating each other and how you’d make a cute couple. Before she responds with, I’ve known him all my life, why would I date my own brother. Or there was a moment but it never lead to anything so I dropped it and moved on. If she already has this mind-set, it will be pretty hard to change her attitude that’s why you need to be more transparent about your feelings.

That’s why I think that there’s a turning point and it’s time-bound.

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